Quiet | Zane Davis

By Susan Cain

Key takeaways:

Being introverted is good, but introvert/extrovert pairs work well
Groupthink is awful
Open offices with no quiet spaces are awful
Be careful of heeding the loudest voice
Take notes on the areas about how to raise a good kid (I think the chapter about temperament)

Intro
1. They prefer to devote their social energies to close friends, colleagues, and family. They listen more than they talk, think before they speak, and often feel as if they express themselves better in writing than in conversation. They tend to dislike conflict. Many have a horror of small talk, but enjoy deep discussions. A few things introverts are not: The word introvert
2. They prefer to devote their social energies to close friends, colleagues, and family. They listen more than they talk, think before they speak, and often feel as if they express themselves better in writing than in conversation. They tend to dislike conflict. Many have a horror of small talk, but enjoy deep discussions.
Extrovert ideal
1. Dale Carnegie ruined everything
2. Toastmasters increases extrovert skills and is maybe awful
The myth of charismatic leadership
1. Summary: plenty of leaders aren’t charismatic, and being charismatic can lead to bad decisions
2. Tony Robbins sounds awful
3. Why do we associate extroverted qualities with leadership
  1. HBS
    1. Conventional ideas:
      1. Look fit, trim, well dressed
      2. Speak with conviction even if you aren’t completely confident
    2. Reality:
      1. Listening to only the loudest opinion is terrible
      2. Someone with a good idea but that is quiet may get ignored
      3. We perceive people that talk a lot or confidently as smart, but this is a bad indicator
      4. Bus to Abilene: when a group does something because they all think everyone else wanted to do it
    3. “I worry that there are people who are put in positions of authority because they’re good talkers, but they don’t have good ideas,” he said. “It’s so easy to confuse schmoozing ability with talent. Someone seems like a good presenter, easy to get along with, and those traits are rewarded. Well, why is that? They’re valuable traits, but we put too much of a premium on presenting and not enough on substance and critical thinking.”
  2. Introverts are actually better
    1. “Among the most effective leaders I have encountered and worked with in half a century,” the management guru Peter Drucker has written, “some locked themselves into their office and others were ultra-gregarious. Some were quick and impulsive, while others studied the situation and took forever to come to a decision.… The one and only personality trait the effective ones I have encountered did have in common was something they did not have: they had little or no ‘charisma’ and little use either for the term or what it signifies.”
    2. Grant’s hypothesis was that extroverted leaders enhance group performance when employees are passive, but that introverted leaders are more effective with proactive employees.
    3. Introverts are uniquely good at leading initiative-takers. Because of their inclination to listen to others and lack of interest in dominating social situations, introverts are more likely to hear and implement suggestions.
    4. Studies have shown that, indeed, introverts are more likely than extroverts to express intimate facts about themselves online that their family and friends would be surprised to read, to say that they can express the “real me” online, and to spend more time in certain kinds of online discussions.
When collaboration kills creativity
1. Groupthink can be bad
2. Working alone can be good
3. Most inventors and engineers I’ve met are like me— they’re shy and they live in their heads. They’re almost like artists. In fact, the very best of them are artists. And artists work best alone where they can control an invention’s design without a lot of other people designing it for marketing or some other committee. I don’t believe anything really revolutionary has been invented by committee. If you’re that rare engineer who’s an inventor and also an artist, I’m going to give you some advice that might be hard to take. That advice is: Work alone. You’re going to be best able to design revolutionary products and features if you’re working on your own. Not on a committee. Not on a team. — Steve Wozniak
4. More creative people are introverted
5. Teams and open offices can be bad
6. While extroverts tend to attain leadership in public domains, introverts tend to attain leadership in theoretical and aesthetic fields.
7. Study alone: Serious study alone” is the strongest predictor of skill for tournament-rated chess players, for example; grandmasters typically spend a whopping five thousand hours—almost five times as many hours as intermediate-level players—studying the game by themselves during their first ten years of learning to play.
8. top performers overwhelmingly worked for companies that gave their workers the most privacy, personal space, control over their physical environments, and freedom from interruption.
9. Brainstorming had four rules: 1. Don’t judge or criticize ideas. 2. Be freewheeling. The wilder the idea, the better. 3. Go for quantity. The more ideas you have, the better. 4. Build on the ideas of fellow group members.
10. Brainstorming doesn’t work: it produces fewer good ideas
11. “Psychologists usually offer three explanations for the failure of group brainstorming. The first is social loafing : in a group, some individuals tend to sit back and let others do the work. The second is production blocking : only one person can talk or produce an idea at once, while the other group members are forced to sit passively. And the third is evaluation apprehension , meaning the fear of looking stupid in front of one’s peers.”
12. Recommendations:
  1. Teams with extroverts and introverts combined
  2. Open air offices with private workspaces
Is temperament destiny?
1. You can tell from babies if someone is going to be introverted, and the benefits tend to be good
Beyond temperament
1. You can slighlt overcome temperament with conscious effort but it will always be there
2. Sensitive people are more responsive to their surroundings, and good surroundings mean good responses and bad surroundings mean bad
Sensitivity
1. It’s good, another sign of highly reactive types, better able to navigate emotional circumstances and notice far more about their environments
How introverts and extroverts think
1. Reward sensitivity — making bad decisions because you get excited about the potential reward (I do this and should keep it in mind)
  1. Extroverts are more into this and make bad decisions, riskier or following buzz
  2. Introverts are more likely to catch warning signs and do better in complex situations
2. Extroverts take riskier decisions that sometimes have higher payoffs
Soft Power
1. Eastern culture are more introverted and quiet, aiming towards consensus
2. Those who know do not speak; those who speak do not know — Lao Zi
What to do about it all
1. When to act more extroverted than you are
  1. Whenever you want, as you have energy to do
  2. It’s easy to do for projects you care about
  3. Hard to do for projects you don’t care about
  4. Find a restorative niche where you can go after something strenuous
  5. “introverts like people they meet in friendly contexts ; extroverts prefer those they compete with. “
2. How to talk to members of the opposite type
  1. Try to understand where they are coming from? A thin chapter
3. Raising introverted kids
  1. So , writes Aron , he “ became determined to introduce her to every potentially pleasurable opportunity in life , from ocean waves , tree climbing , and new foods to family reunions , soccer , and varying her clothes rather than wearing one comfortable uniform . In almost every instance , Lily initially thought these novel experiences were not such good ideas , and Jim always respected her opinion . He never forced her , although he could be very persuasive . He simply shared his view of a situation with her — the safety and pleasures involved , the similarities to things she already liked . He would wait for that little gleam in her eye that said she wanted to join in with the others , even if she couldn’t yet .
  2. Remember that introverts react not only to new people , but also to new places and events . So don’t mistake your child’s caution in new situations for an inability to relate to others . He’s recoiling from novelty or overstimulation , not from human contact.
  3. If you can , it’s best to teach your child self – coaxing skills while he’s still very young , when there’s less stigma associated with social hesitancy . Be a role model by greeting strangers in a calm and friendly way , and by getting together with your own friends . Similarly , invite some of his classmates to your house . Let him know gently that when you’re together with others , it’s not OK to whisper or tug at your pants leg to communicate his needs ; he needs to speak up
  4. Encourage him to look confident even if he’s not feeling it . Three simple reminders go a long way : smile , stand up straight , and make eye contact . Teach him to look for friendly faces in a crowd . Bobby , a three – year – old , didn’t like going to his city preschool because at recess the class left the safe confines of the classroom and played on the roof with the bigger kids in the older classes . He felt so intimidated that he wanted to go to school only on rainy days when there was no roof time . His parents helped him figure out which kids he felt comfortable playing with , and to understand that a noisy group of older boys didn’t have to spoil his fun
  5. And here are some thoughts for parents . If you’re lucky enough to have control over where your child goes to school , whether by scouting out a magnet school , moving to a neighborhood whose public schools you like , or sending your kids to private or parochial school , you can look for a school that prizes independent interests and emphasizes autonomy conducts group activities in moderation and in small , carefully managed groups values kindness , caring , empathy , good citizenship insists on orderly classrooms and hallways is organized into small , quiet classes chooses teachers who seem to understand the shy / serious / introverted / sensitive temperament focuses its academic / athletic / extracurricular activities on subjects that are particularly interesting to your child strongly enforces an anti – bullying program emphasizes a tolerant , down – to – earth culture attracts like – minded peers , for example intellectual kids , or artistic or athletic ones , depending on your child’s preference .
4. Managing introverts
  1. If you’re a manager , remember that one third to one half of your workforce is probably introverted , whether they appear that way or not . Think twice about how you design your organization’s office space . Don’t expect introverts to get jazzed up about open office plans or , for that matter , lunchtime birthday parties or team – building retreats . Make the most of introverts ’ strengths — these are the people who can help you think deeply , strategize , solve complex problems , and spot canaries in your coal mine .
  2. Also , remember the dangers of the New Groupthink . If it’s creativity you’re after , ask your employees to solve problems alone before sharing their ideas . If you want the wisdom of the crowd , gather it electronically , or in writing , and make sure people can’t see each other’s ideas until everyone’s had a chance to contribute . Face – to – face contact is important because it builds trust , but group dynamics contain unavoidable impediments to creative thinking . Arrange for people to interact one – on – one and in small , casual groups . Don’t mistake assertiveness or eloquence for good ideas . If you have a proactive work force ( and I hope you do ) , remember that they may perform better under an introverted leader than under an extroverted or charismatic one .